i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
