Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
