Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize