No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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