Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
