I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
