I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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