I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
