never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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