dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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