Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize