What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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