he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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