I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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