Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
