Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize