I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
