after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
