pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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