I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
