Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
