i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
