Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
