We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize