Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
