First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
