Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
