U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
