Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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