I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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