Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
