too bad you live with your parents still
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
