Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
