K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
