He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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