she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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