Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
