Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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