Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
