So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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