just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
