I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just threw up on my dentist
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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