Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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