Your dad touched me again.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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