Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
