I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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