How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
