She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
