It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
