Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
