I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize