evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
