I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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