What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize