I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
