Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize