why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
