glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
