A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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