So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
