Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
