the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
