no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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