do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
