the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize