According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
