I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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