Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
