Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
