So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
