i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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