my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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