I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
