Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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