I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
