I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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