Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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