We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
