i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
