I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
