We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
