I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
