I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
