I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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