i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
