ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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