and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
