Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
