508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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