his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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