There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
