I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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