We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
