I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
