they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
