if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
