Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
