i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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